Thursday, July 31, 2025

Thursday. Last day of July

 Cooler.  Rain.  Gray.  Driving the car around.  Embarrassed to be so pleased with such a thing.  Ashamed to be having too much.  Relieved and pleased it is just like the car in Albuquerque and even a few tweaks better.  

Guyotat.  At the end of the book we hear he went to a school run by the Brothers of the Christian Schools.  Perfect.  Now I think I won't send the book to John Miller, from high school.  Gave up recommending books to people a while back.  Good move.  However the strangeness of the book resonated with me in odd ways, it surely will not with John.  I've heard a bit from Phil about him over the last thirty years, but I hardly know him.  Or if he reads anything other than the WSJ.  

Is Guyotat's Coma any better than In the Deep. So far perhaps a bit.  But it gives the sense again that we're dealing with a strange bird who may not be the artist-author he wants to be.  Who can tell.  What about the huge Antunes volumes stacked up here?  With Schattenfroh due to arrive, should I start anything?  

Charger anxiety became terrible yesterday.  Could not use the Mac book for days because I could not find the charger for it.  Ordered one and it turned out to be the wrong fit.  Desperately ordered others and then canceled those after finding the correct ones in the Apple Store online.  

Was not going to do this blog anymore. 

Monday, July 28, 2025

car lust car lost

 Whether to go ahead and lease a car now or not.  Strong urge this Sunday morning to proceed and go for the ID.4.  Just looked at a few tube reviews of the Soltera.  Black plastic fenders.  Low hatchback profile in the rear means our transport chair might be a harder fit.  I know the ID.4 well, why not stay with it for here?  What if we stay in NM soon?  Plug-in ev still fits this house better, best.  Or resale.  

Monkey mind project for sure.  Cars be mirror trophies of who we be.  Wannabe coaches.  Dream chariots. Fortress cocoons.  

In the Deep moves forward.  First published 2010 under title Arriere-Fond  rear-back. i.e. back drop, background.  so translator's "in the deep" is an interesting invention/rendition.   How before the internet the book might seem to be; how the internet has caught up with it in every possible detail.  


Thursday, July 24, 2025

of all

 "Of all the paths opening before me, I should choose the widest, where the gaze is lost."

Rachel wants to do Tuesday.  But we have Brook for Tuesday.  Will she stay with that?  Could Rachel do another day?  How many helpers do we want for a given week?  

a quotable line

 "Always choose what pushes toward the future."  Guyotat, In the Deep, 185

24 July Thursday.  Crew slowly packing for jaunt south.  Willow and I walked from living room red chair to green chair in den.  Big coffee brown recliner lift chair now defines the great room.  Arlyn came to look over the lawn and hedges.  Doug popped over with question about whether plant in his hand was edible.  

Guyotat's book a surprise in most every way.  And it works with me now, for me now.  Strange to say.  Fascinating, really, his writing.  Interested in reading in other works to see how one relates to another.  In this one he is remembering/recreating his fifteenth year.  

One day with Brook.  Is she backing out of going on?  Note from Justin, he thinks Rachel wants to do Tuesdays.  Comfort Keepers has a woman who will start August 13?  Hourly now $47.00.  Going to call CK in Abq to see what their rate is.  $35 an hour plus 7.625 % state tax.  So 140. for four hours plus 10.68. Andrea just called back to recall our phone talk a year or so ago.  

Dennis may arrive in Philly by the end of the month.  He's so excited.  

Here crew still gathering for blast off.  Will they lunch before the wheels roll?  Or will they pack edibles and stop further down the road?  

Always choose what pushes toward the future.  

"The future is what doesn't yet exist; it's what I must create out of nothing: poetry and its double: the text of the deep--'beyond-creation.'" 185 


Saturday, July 19, 2025

Saturday 19th

 Perfect turn in the weather for the fam's arrival yesterday.  Eliot indeed has gotten legs, taller.  Everyone looks so good.  They head to the McLane beach this afternoon, did a dinner at dox last night.  Willow sad or miffed that she missed Martha's memorial and seeing her book group.  Ken sent a succinct report about it.  

Finished These Violent Delights.  Shoulda guessed the title was from Shakespeare.  Enjoyed it ok but felt a bit irritated by this and that and some other things.  Young writer trying to please everyone too much.  Not as memorable and perfect as Donna Tartt's The Secret History.  These goes for the muddled ambivalent ending.  Buries the gay love story under a pile of social, familial anxieties and obligations.  Sort of even throws it away.  Or under the sociological bus.  

What to read next.  Took down the big Antunes novel Everything on Fire that I had started last year and had no idea how to read and enjoy.  More experienced now with Antunes.  Also have two by the other unknown French guy, Guyotat.  Should I try him next?  

Oh, the film about Ney Matogrosso the Brazilian singer resonated as we watched about half of Bohemian Rhapsody last night.  Ney and Freddie Mercury exactly same generation (five years difference, Ney born in '41, Freddie in '46).  Same body types, same bi-sexuality, same exhibitionistic performance demands, same theatricality of costuming and music and dance, oh and similar similar use of falsetto.  Amazing.  Only because English language dominates the world, perhaps, did one star become worldwide and the other stayed in the Portuguese/Latin world.  

Now we are looking for super narrow transport chair to fit through the doorway into the downstairs bathroom.  

In place

 Judith wrapping up her second visit now.  Glorious looking day outside.  Watered the hanging plants, the bright begonias, pinks, golds, and one violet and white bunch of petunias in the sun.  Maria called the other evening from Abq about putting two roses in the water spot at the back wall.  Brook visited yesterday and seems a perfect godsend of a young woman.  Ashley's twin.  She talked about the extraordinary house they grew up in in WV that her father sort of fell into building because after he bought Goose Hollow Campground he got into handling huge beams of wood, ash?  stripped and planed them, eventually had enough to start putting up a big house in the Valley.  

Judith helped me roll up the large rug, floors now bare except for the hall and den.  Feels nice and summery.  K and C coming at 5 for dinner from Thai Smile.  I plan to make faux frozen cosmopolitans. Or frozen faux.  Shopping yesterday I pulled carton of drinks into the cart to have it fall on the floor.  Bottle plastic didn't break, unlike the jar of jam in Walmart the day before.  

Friday, July 11, 2025

July 11 Drowning or Ballooning?

 Back in Plymouth for second day now today.  Still napping off and on.  

Description of reading Antunes "Midnight" Matt Parker posted on X:  "realMattKParker (@π‘€π‘Žπ‘‘π‘‘ 𝐾. π‘ƒπ‘Žπ‘Ÿπ‘˜π‘’π‘Ÿ) posted: Finished. πŸŒŠπŸŒ²πŸ–€


An experience like drowning. Wave after wave of memory, overlapping, tumbling, and each wave stretching back into a past of intergenerational and political trauma.

Relentless, overwhelming, intimate, terminal. πŸ’€

Wondered today if that could be lightened a bit as in transvaluation of values.  An experience like riding in a hot air balloon.  Wave after wave of air currents, overlapping, rising, tumbling, each stream or current or wave stretching forward into a future of expectation and discovering as memories of intergenerational trauma becomes escaped and released back into past memory.  

Here I wonder if we are now house-bound and wheelchair bound.  A new life?  Willow's legs are softer and softer it seems.  Airport overnight between planes wiped us out.  Fortunately morning shower routine still works. Rest of the day a matter of multiple transports between types of chairs.  

Hope for Brook Saba's help.  Alan with Lakes Shuttle a godsend for being big and strong enough to lift Bela up the stairs into the sunroom.  

Sunday, July 06, 2025

July 6

 5 July 

Fireworks last night.  All along the horizon from Barbara's patio.  Lots here in the neighborhood too, even after we got back about a quarter to ten.  

Sticking it out with Midnight.  One reader liked my comment on the ethics of publication on X.  Who knows?  Read along the jazz riffs, dementia or not.  Part of the new century, new worlds?  

Ivan told me about the trip to Yellowstone his son-in-law is taking them on in two weeks.  Eleven guests, ten days, all paid.  The son works for Autism Centers, large network of help locations for autistic children.  

Suitcases in the spare room.  List printed out.  How to do the remaining days.  No Chatter, No Beckie, no Graciela.  But the promise of Brook Saba-McDowell in Plymouth.  

6 July

Finished Midnight yesterday.  Consistently fresh material until the end, if that means the artist-author was in control.  And---no matter how it went it was still 10 times better than Enard's most recent entry.  And, yes, maybe that WaPo review was a puff piece planted by the evil texan deep vellum people but it did give us the reassurance of a concise plot summary so we could see if we were getting anything, or just enough to keep going.  Look, the book got under my skin.  Proof.  Compare to responses so far to Goytisolo's "shocking" Count Julien.  Cleve enough and right on the money in so many fine details but I could easily not finish it and would not miss it or the voice in which it drones on.  I have his book on exile on the Kobo so I will take a look at it.  Also another Antunes, an earlier one Ceremonial something which has had good tweets about it.  

Few more days to pack and loiter before we fly East.  

Wednesday, July 02, 2025

About Face

 Wednesday, July 02, 2025

About Face


 July 2  This morning I wrote a complaint to Dalkey Archive about Antunes because last night I found a piece from 2009 where his biographer said he was lost to dementia.  Was that a premature diagnosis and assumption.

In this morning's WashPo a rave review for this novel by Morten HΓΈi Jensen (who has a new book out on the contradictions of The Magic Mountain coming out in October.  Danish.  So given his help in this review I suppose I will continue on in Midnight.  

here is his piece ---  

AntΓ³nio Lobo Antunes’s novels are inventions of inflamed interiority. [good phrase there ]   They defy summation with a shrug. If our inner lives cannot be easily summarized, Antunes seems to say, then why should a novel? His sentences, long and unpunctuated, often accommodate several voices at once. And yet this polyphony belies his basic readability; it may not always be clear what is going on, or who is saying what, but the effect is nevertheless intensely absorbing. Yes, one thinks, this is indeed what our minds are made of: a commotion of thoughts, voices, memories half-remembered or wholly made-up, intrusions and evasions.   [Yes this is the experience and the pleasure.]


Antunes, often (and rightfully) listed as a Nobel Prize contender, is arguably Portugal’s greatest living writer, the author of more than 30 novels whose long roster of admirers has included ΓΌber-critics George Steiner and Harold Bloom. Born in Lisbon in 1942, Antunes trained as a doctor and later practiced psychiatry. Not long after graduating from medical school, he was drafted to serve as a medic in the Portuguese Colonial War (1961-1974), a long, costly and ultimately futile attempt by dictator AntΓ³nio de Oliveira Salazar’s to retain Portugal’s colonies in Africa. The experience strongly marked Antunes, who has repeatedly returned to the war in his fiction, not least because of the public silence that followed after the Salazar regime was overthrown in 1974. “There was a kind of unspeakable culpability in Portugal,” Antunes has said. “Everyone just wanted to forget.” 



The narrator of “Midnight Is Not in Everyone’s Reach,” the latest novel by Antunes to be translated into English, also longs for oblivion, though of a more permanent kind. Set over the course of a single late-summer weekend in 2011, the novel follows the narrator, a schoolteacher, to the house on the Portuguese coast where she spent summers as a child, and where, significantly, her oldest brother drowned himself in the ocean 40 years before. “I wasn’t eleven anymore, I was fifty-two, or rather here I was eleven and fifty-two,” the narrator reflects. “I’ve come to say goodbye to this house, or to my older brother, or to myself.” It may also be significant that 1971, the apparent year of the brother’s death, was the same year Antunes was sent to Angola during the war.


These few details are the buoys the reader is given to navigate the novel’s stormy narrative. The first sentence opens, “I awoke in the middle of the night certain that the ocean was calling me through the closed shutters,” and doesn’t close, properly speaking, until Page 32, with the conclusion of the first chapter. (The novel’s three parts, one for each day of the weekend, consist of 10 chapters each). But unlike long-sentence soliloquists like W. G. Sebald or Javier MarΓ­as, Antunes’s sentences are noisily peopled, and his translator, Elizabeth Lowe, is right to compare them to jazz, “with improvisations that interrupt the narrative flow, and refrains that mark the melody,” as she puts it in her translator’s note.


A single page of “Midnight Is Not in Everyone’s Reach” might therefore consist of three or more characters’ voices and take place in as many different points in time and be interrupted by a line of dialogue or the narrator’s own reflections. Admittedly, this absence of grammatical and narrative convention requires that readers be on their toes; for the first few pages, it may seem difficult to follow, but as with jazz it creates its own subtle rhythms over time, so that the reader eventually begins to nod along, more and more deeply engrossed.

[again, "nod" is the right word choice here!]


As the weekend at the beach house unfolds, we realize that the narrator is taking stock of her life, reading the balance sheet and moving toward a last attempt at justice or requital, gradually revealing the more specific details of her biography. We learn that she has had both a miscarriage and a mastectomy, that her marriage to her husband is falling apart and that for some time she has been engaged in an affair with an older, female colleague. Mostly, however, we learn about her family when she was growing up: her unemployed, alcoholic father and unaffectionate mother, the oldest brother who dies by suicide, a sadistic older brother who never recovers from the war in Angola, and a deaf brother who constantly draws out and repeats the tongue twister “Sheee saaills seeea sheells.”


There are memories returned to obsessively, like wounds: the oldest brother letting the narrator sit on the fender of his bicycle; the father always disappearing into the pantry to drink from his arsenal of bottles; the mother always complaining to someone or other: “Do you see the cross I bear?” Other memories — “the amount of junk, buried inside us, that resuscitates […] bringing more ruins along with it,” the narrator muses — surface unbidden, and still others don’t belong to the narrator at all: Each of the novel’s three parts concludes with chapters narrated by someone else.  


{this detail I had not realized} [is it really accurate?]



Over nearly 575 pages, this relentless probing of memory also demonstrates something of its desperate futility. Powerless to change the past, the narrator doubts and ponders, argues and accuses, remembers insults and settles scores: “What have I done?”; “why do people grow apart”; “you were the one who killed him, mother”; “where did you go, all of you.” And to what end? Only to long for “peace, and a ceiling of ocean in which the waves move without hurting.” 


Antunes’s prose, viscous, metaphorical and baroque in his earlier novels, is made here of a more tentative, airier substance, filled with the surges, flickers and confusions of consciousness: “Death, I’m not afraid of dying, I’m only afraid of suffering, of pain, what a lie, I’m afraid of the Alto da Vigia, and my body, my body falling and not of suffering or pain, it’s death that terrifies me, no older brother waiting for me in the water, I helpless and nevertheless I have to do it not for my older brother, for me.”


In this elegy for a family, or for the family that could have been, Antunes masterfully evokes the obsessive pull of family life, the peculiar intensity of its joys and miseries. “We had missed being happy by a thread,” the narrator thinks at one point, “what did we do wrong.” Readers should not be put off by the narrative disorder and paucity of plot; “Midnight Is Not in Everyone’s Reach” is fiction of the highest order.


Morten HΓΈi Jensen is the author of “The Master of Contradictions: Thomas Mann and the Making of The Magic Mountain,” which will be published in October.