Saturday, August 08, 2026

surprising reply from Dr Kaminski

 Saturday 8 August

This email today.  

Thank you very much, Bob, for your lovely letter. I am 72 and have struggled for years with my otherness, the tension between feeling like an outsider everywhere and being welcome as an insider, which became increasingly intolerable. I felt that to fit in socially, I had to be performative to seem predictable to others. (I call it pseudo-extrovert.) Eventually, I decided to stop performing and just be myself, to the best of my ability. The gain in inner balance, despite some loss of social standing, was enormous, so I never looked back.  

 
I have never changed my identity since the day I was born, and this is the same me walking into the future, whatever it may be. So for me, I am the center of gravity, not my life (which is happening to me with little control on my part). An otrovert, whether aware of that or not, does not have the tether to their contemporaries, which helps the communal people deny death until it is impossible. In my humble opinion, otroverts live with much better peace throughout the entire arc of life.   

As we otroverts get older, forced aloneness is actually a very familiar feeling.  Loneliness has never been painful to me.  And I come to this chapter of my life with the same solitude I experienced in my youth.

thanks you agaiin,
Yours, Dr. kaminski 

here is the letter I sent via email on May 18 

Hello Otherness Institute and Dr Kaminski 

How long I have waited for this marvelous book.  I read it, re-read it and
watched the comments available on Instagram and YouTube.  Also
took the test, twice. 

So powerful, clear, lucid and moving.  The book I have been looking for
since I was . . . 10 or 15 or 20 years old.  I am now 82.  

This explains what I have spent a lifetime realizing about myself and my
relationships with groups, hives, tribes, and teams.  Departments and
committees.  Gatherings of all sorts.  My own journey within.  

Thank you, beyond words, 

Robert Garlitz  

having his reply and remembering now my initial letter, I am moved once more; not "to tears" but to some feeling I am not able to name readily.  Note too how it follows one day after my annual checkup.  Not that they are connected and yet perhaps cosmically they are since I was going to tell Dr Fagan that he is the finest doctor I've ever met, but I did not do that.  In the evaluation e-message from MidState today I was able to say he was 10 out of 10.  Not the same, but ok.  

Read a few more pages of Anton Reiser.  A few pages a day will work well, alongside Stifter and Moresco.  Have to see if the novel blog discusses Stifter.  Would think so.  Nope, seems not.  

Another surprise for today:  "Mia Couto was born on 5 July 1955 in Beira, Mozambique, the country's third largest city, where he was also raised and schooled. He is the son of Portuguese emigrants who moved to the Portuguese colony in the 1950s. When he was 14 years old, some of his poetry was published in a local newspaper, Notícias da Beira. Three years later, in 1971, he moved to the capital Lourenço Marques (now Maputo) and began to study medicine at the University of Lourenço Marques. During this time, the anti-colonial guerrilla and political movement FRELIMO was struggling to overthrow the Portuguese colonial rule in Mozambique.[citation needed]"  

Moresco so far

nothing like I thought it would be, given the chatter on Lawton and deep vellum a few weeks ago

am only on page 70   all seminary days so far   can see the language weirdnesses and flowerings begin

acutely observed and  piercing---what was that great phrase Updike used for Handke?   

but pity poor readers who had no catholic upbringing no Italianate churchiness---guess they would read it as exotica  

would I enjoy reading all of Frank Waters to get more clued in to the pueblo realities on the glyphic mesas?

ordered a mystery writer of younger generation, set in Albuquerque

our real life drama for the next two-twenty years will be most interesting   If it were an episode of Cassandra or Candice or Emily; MBTI check would tell the script writers: L is an esfj, A is an entj; each would make superb trial lawyers.  Engrenage tripled with psychologists, lawyers, procrojuctor (whatever that title is) and principles.  with principals.  or principals with principles J and J onstage

Dramatism reigns, returns, arches over all  

one good short talk yesterday reminded me to check the mbti again  my guide in all things

Bela seems to be regaining her left leg strength.  Almost as though her whole system just says, hey, summer is here, time to cool down, rest, chill, tune out for a while

Lisa sent photo of Emrys visiting there today.  I guessed he is 26; C confirms that based on his age against Emma's.  He was 12 in Paris when she was a baby.  Playing his loud violin outside on the terrace facing the daily weather balloon.  

Saturday Aug 8    Jon guiding the day excursion to tubing from Livermore Falls (Arethusa) to the Plymouth bridge landing park.  Super muggy day; feels awful.  headache if full pressure.  Glad Fagan and I agreed I should get an MRI.  Adventure awaits.  

got a passage on Moresco to paste in here   from a site called themodernnovel.org but I don't know who the author is for that site    "Scarpa also comments that this is a masterpiece and I am inclined to agree with him.  Clearly, given that Moresco himself was a novice priest, a member of a far left group and struggled to get his work published, we must assume that it is, at least in part, autobiographical.

However, as hinted above, the book does not readily fit into any current Italian literary tradition which may explain its lack of success in its homeland, and perhaps, the fact that it has only been translated into German and not into any other language. However, Moresco has clearly created a brilliant absurdist classic, unpredictable, wandering, vague, witty, clever, going off on strange tangents, with odd characters and strange natural phenomena and a narrator whom we see as often lost in this world, saying yes at the wrong time, unsure of "

Mia Cuoto at  novelthemodernnovel.com  she has this great line before her faq page 

Books are never written. When we read them, we write them.

Mia Couto

she posted this wonderful account of a Handke novel I had not heard of and which is not in English, hence my free borrowing of this from her---who will ever know?  

"

Peter Handke: Kali [Potash]

Handke’s books often concern loners making strange journeys to somewhat exotic, perhaps mysterious locations. This is one of those books. A woman singer – we do not know her name – has just finished a singing tour in a Northern city and she is now leaving. Not only is it the last performance of her tour, it is the last performance of the season in the city because, as her limousine driver says, all performers now head South, as winter is approaching. She is heading it seems to her childhood home, a pre-winter city but also an emigrant (not immigrant) city, as Handke describes. (Even this is ambiguous, as when, a guitarist she is talking to, asks her where she is going, she replies In meiner Kindergegend. Oder nein, in der Nachbargegend. In der Gegend gleich neban, hinter dem Kindheitsfluss, hinter dem Kindheitsee, hinter dem Kindheitshügel. In der Gegend hinter meiner Gegend. [In my childhood region. Or, rather, no, in the neighbouring region. In the region immediately next to it, behind the childhood river, behind the childhood lake, behind the childhood hill. In the region behind my region.]) The city seems to be called Emigrants. The local football team certainly is. The area is noted for its huge underground reserves of salt (hence the title of the book), which were formed from a large long since disappeared sea and mining this salt is one of the occupations of the local populace.

Our heroine has something of a picaresque journey round this strange city. When she arrives, things seem quite straightforward. Indeed, the bus driver recognises her, as they were at school together. He even invites her to stay with him as he is not only a bus driver, but the owner of the local hostelry. the people she meets are not what we would call straightforward. They speak also as though they come straight out a fable – in a strange language, almost a philosophical language, but in conundrums and statements and Handke-like obscurities. And the whole visit is described in almost a dream-like style. She meets her mother who, she feels, has been expecting her but the mother takes it almost for granted when she turns up unannounced. We learn that (like Handke’s mother), her mother is not from that region but as to where she is from, several wildly conflicting options are given, none of which may be true. And there clearly are immigrants. One man states that they used to be from the East but now come from everywhere. This clearly mirrors the situation in Austria, where immigrants used to come mainly from Czechoslovakia, fleeing Communism, but now may come from anywhere. Indeed, we see a group arriving by boat and Handke clearly points out that they are not white.

Is this country a version of Austria, a pre-winter Northern country? And who is the singer? One man says of her Sie verkörpern das Tod [You personify death]. Austrian writers have made a point of showing Austria as some sort of deathly place – think of Thomas Bernhard and Elfride Jelinek, and Handke himself has certainly not been afraid of criticising his country. The immigrants are, as explained, first, the Eastern Europeans and now the immigrants found in most European countries. But there is another theory offered by one of the characters – the survivors of World War III. In other words, this is not just Austria but post-apocalyptic Austria.

The book needs careful reading and, as always with Handke, there are areas where you do wonder what might be happening. But this ambiguity is, of course, part and parcel of Handke’s style and part of what makes him such an interesting writer. The world is changing and, for Handke, not necessarily for the better. The old world – represented here by the woman vicar who is keen to hang on to the way things were – is slipping away from us and there is not much we can do about it. However, we have to adapt to this new world. It is an ambiguous confusing, difficult world, where the culture of death is strong. It is a bit preachy but, as with all of his books, well worth reading. Sadly, it is not available in English."  

pretty interesting and right in line with my takes and enjoyments of Handke---

and who will ever care 

Thursday, August 06, 2026

remembrance of geology past

how could I have forgotten?  Post on Insta today reminds me that Handke's guide through geology was well prepared for by my years of fascination with the paintings of Per Kirkeby.  I think he actually studied geology and his paintings took their orders directly from his visual and bodily experience of earth.  

too a few photos this morning of the laying down of the beautiful central strip of black asphalt on the street outside  Emerson Street   nice complex answers show up to the question of what top grade asphalt is made of for northern new england

Kirsten gave a nice response after I told her about having my KB books bound in Spain -- "Wow--those are gorgeous! I love the raised spines and the marbleized endpapers. Ahhh. . . taking your books to be bound . . . the way life should be! 

she had talked about her fascination (recent) with fine bibles and a guy on youtube who waxes eloquent about these books ---oh yess, of course full yapp !  


when we were in Spain years ago I had all my Kenneth
Burke paperback books (new copies) bound in hardboards
with leather spines and one I had done in full leather 
as with your alpagatas  the craft of binding still existed
and was not really that expensive (50 years ago) 

 I love the backstory. And I can so relate. While you were doing a deep dive into the world of fancy fountain pens, I was obsessed with luxury bibles! Yes! There's a guy who reviews fancy bibles on youtube and blogs about them, and I got so sucked in. I have to wrack my brain to remember some of the lingo . . . speckled edges, double gilt lines, full yapp, Smyth-sewn, speckled edges . . . I bought three and had to restrain myself from buying more! Insane! They're lovely, though, and I use at least one of them regularly. 

Your pens make me want to change my life. They're far nicer than the ones I had, none of which fill with a piston! I googled last night about how to fill the Lamy 2000 and gave it a try. Writes like a dream :) Looking forward to trying the Italian ones, and to getting some more ink so I can have a different color in each one.

Lucky me, thanks to you!"  

----
reminder from Mid-State that my appointment with Fagan is tomorrow afternoon at 2.  That will take out going to see the theater performance, but this week is not the big finale that next week will be so we hope that will be ok.  

about 3 pm Dave told us they have decided to separate.  They had a long zoom visit with Dr Souifi and came out of it with this decision

feeling pretty sad about it, we are.  No idea what to do or say, how the remaining ten days will go, the kids will react  


three hottest bald headed men

 according to Eliot the other night to Dave when Jumanji started: you, dad, are number one, French soccer star Thierry Henry is number two and Dwayne Johnson number three.  

Dave keeps a diary on his phone on an app called Diary.  

bought some ice cream for us.  Guess is the fam will go to the last catch and maybe the beach, sun is out now, warm and lovely evening ahead.  80s

got the note and card off to Kith   hurray 

Wednesday, August 05, 2026

glorious day most perfect weather possible in NH

 air and temperature and light just so perfect with breeze to enliven more than more 


Moresco's first small chapter a pitch-perfect description evocation of life in the seminary/novitiate at Ammendale and of serving mass as an altar boy, preparing the priest as he prays and robes 

beautiful morning drive over the Kirsten's house, put the package in her mailbox then later trying to figure out the road pattern saw her walking with a friend and her dog, woven sun hat.  This evening am worried that someone might have mistaken the package for trash put in her mailbox so I emailed her to see if she had gotten it, fingers crossed!!!

hung out at the centera grocery, small california roll, some short walks, snooze in the car and reading a bit of Moresco and the Motley guy  Kids set to watch Jumanji 2 tonight.  During last night's showing I found out via google there is a difference between high concept comedy and low concept comedy.   

now the next day---still nice but mugging up more ----Ken's guests will have noticed the difference, is his party two or three days?  He's distributing his collection to the cousins and grand cousins.  

note to Kirsten

A few years ago I fell into a rabbithole (hopel that is the right idiom??!!) called the Goulet Pen company.  Gouletpens.com 
I've enjoyed fountain pens over the years but this site led me into the ultra nerdy world of chatter about pens and their fine points.  Oh, dear, that was low brow!  Fascinating to hear these people discuss craftsmanship, materials, flow, inks, paper etc etc.  I'm sure you already know much of the lingo.  Anyway, I ended up buying these.  Money right after covid was piling up and burning a hole in my neo-adolescent pockets.  Splurge and prove your existence
to someone out there in the marketplace of connoisseurs; I'm always a sucker for that class game.  

One is Japanese, the other two made in Italy.  The black one crafted with ash from Mt Vesuvius!, so you can use that one for your commentaries on antiquities and the Ancients.  The blue one made I think in Torino.  Which has a strange tower in the center of town, a century ago or so one of the wonders of the almost modern world.  They each have such different feels--what's the word used here?--- in the hand, and different results on paper.  

In spite of repeated resolutions I just don't have the patience or time to take proper care of them and use them.  You are a true aficionado and so they will have a good home in your keeping.  

Enjoy them.  
------
the gruesome opening pages of Anton Reiser as well as the plague pages in Motley Stones----of course they seem familiar:  Lentz must have quoted freely from both books in Schattenfroh--which I read last fall.  

And yes the vibrations in the house from the earthworks outside are upsetting.  So was getting poked for blood draw, photos to show how bruised my arm is.  And visitors from across the sea have brought with them all sorts of strange molecules into my well guarded fortress and keep.  Ceremonial cacao will help, of course, but pepto b will be called into service and duty as well.  

Monday, August 03, 2026

Monday August 3

Long talk with David this morning.  They are having trouble.  Each has been seeing a psychologist and together they are seeing one for marriage counseling.  Later Bela said she was not surprised; I said the same.  We could both tell something was amiss at least a year ago.  More, most likely.  David said the counselor gave them instructions on how to tell the kids something and listen to what they have to say.  They are trying to figure out when would be the best time to have that talk.  Bela said she didn't know why she felt guilty and wondered what we could do.  I seem to feel the same way.  Both of us sad.  Annie died only two years ago.  I emphasized how much of a shock that was for Cécile, how it takes five years.  Where did I hear that phrase?  

Heavy day atmospherically too.  Heavy gray skies, some rain, drizzle.  I went to have my blood test draw at 2.  Bought some milk on the way home.  Left over pizza from last night for lunch.  

Petie wrote early this morning, Ray now in hospital for liver trouble.  On the right medicine, going to a rehab place to get stronger again.

Wanting to get into Motley Stones and have it work.  Dick sent an essay from nyt by christopher nolan about the new odyssesy movie.  I'm glad I read it (gift article--it opened); clear insight and some hope about the chaos we are living through.  No---Christopher Nolan is the film director.  Times review written by Ezra Klein.  Dick has mentioned him before; highly regarded, big following.  Political blogger, author of great deal, including essay "The Economic Mistake the Left Is Finally Confronting", as reflective of his approach in scrutinizing existing policies that run contrary to the goals of countering scarcity.  He is vegan. Vegan!!!!  

Sunday, August 02, 2026

Sunday August 2

 Happy Birthday, Phil!   Really second your idea of joinging the UU's (as we call them here).  You will have a fine community to hang with,

find some chatter on a weekly basis, will give you that wee bit of contact each week that will help you moving forward into the continuum.
Our next door neighbor asked me to join the church here, Unitarians.  No one has ever asked that before.  He is about 87, one of about seven
or eight siblings all raised in Hyde Park, Chicago, at the Univ of Chicago Lab School, child of very famous (in the day) UChicago church historian
named Richard Grant.  A number of friends here go to this UU church.  One core element of the Democratic party in the state.  And Independents.
Maybe even some Libertarians?  

We went this morning to a heavily Irish-flavored wake for a friend who died last week.  Felt like a reunion of everyone we had known at the college.
Nice to see people, say hello, see how old we all now look, glad to be alive and waving greetings.  

Thanks for your nice  birthday wish for me, John,   I celebrated in a very unusual way for me.   On the advice of Peg’s brother, I attended a Sunday  service at a local Unitarian church.   I was impressed with the people and, despite being totally secular, may join the church just so I have some connection to local people.  Since Peg died, I have had almost no connection to local people…

Great to hear, Phil.  We've thought of doing the same but haven't yet come 'round. I hope you find it a congenial community.

Avanti!

let's see:  Annette and David, Dave Kent, Ken, George, Darlene, Pattie, George, Betty Jo, whose grandson, Liam Taffe a bright actor at USC, (Danny's son); Alma and Gloria, Gene.  We left after the speeches.  Took home some brownies.  Many other faces.  Barb's older sister recalled their high school days just like the movie.  Her dad bought them a white pontiac convertible, they drove endlessly around Geneva, NY. 

Our kids due any minute after a night at Mick's.  

Pacifico's short history of contemporary Italian literati politics very enjoyable.  He does not mention Handke, of course, but many Americans.  DeLillo and Pynchon and DFW hooray.  His explanation of Umberto Eco's success is delightful.  

17 "Every object is given weird personal significance, and the mystical power of insignificance is celebrated with unblinking candor."   "Moresco taps into something psychologically deep: the making of language as you go along discovering what life is and what it is trying to tell you. "

Maybe then this is when I should read Gary Lachman's newest Post.  "From Mythic to the Mental:  
"This was Thales, considered one of the Seven Sages of ancient Greece. With him the tradition of ‘rational inquiry’ that we associate with the West began. Rather than accept the traditional mythological accounts of how the world came into existence, the stories of why the gods made it one way rather than another, Thales asked a simple question: what is the world made of? What is the basic ‘stuff’ out of which everything else is made? As far as we know, no one before him asked this.

yet this earlier, more intuitive way of understanding remained and is with us still, occupying a kind of shadow realm on the fringes of rational consciousness. It is what we call “the imagination.” Yet this is not imagination as we usually understand it, having to do with “make believe.” This imagination “makes real.”

The other way is slightly fuzzy, imprecise, and unrepeatable – at least on demand – but it penetrates deeper into the world, and reveals elements of it that the method of quantification cannot. These are the meanings that come through in poetry, music, art and other forms of the imagination we acknowledge as something more than “make believe”. These are the “tacit”, “implicit” meanings that the philosopher Michael Polanyi said cannot be expressed “explicitly,” in the way that mathematical “meaning” can, but which are nevertheless felt. This is why the philosopher Wittgenstein said that the truly meaningful things in the world cannot be said, but only shown. The explicit knowledge that enables our probes to reach into the unthinkable depths of space can tell us nothing about the awe we feel looking at a starry sky. But a poem or passage of music can give us some idea and even evoke a similar awe within us.

in my book Lost Knowledge of the Imagination, I look at how different individuals throughout western history have recognised the need for bread and for that elusive something else that all the precision in the world cannot provide. Since the rise of the reign of quantity, this elusive something else has increasingly been seen to be a mirage, and the appetite for the “vague” an unfortunate hangover from less rational times. And our means of embracing it, the “imagination,” has been reduced to the daydreams of romantics not able to face facts. This outlook may seem  disheartening but it need not be so. Whatever pushed the mind out of its mythological mode and into our rational one, may be at work today, preparing us for its next shift. There’s no reason to believe it can’t be one in which the two permanent needs of our nature enjoy an equal say.

gary-lachman.com

Pacifico ends by invoking "Seinfeld" Moresco is the Cosmo Kramer of contemporary literature. Doesn't work for me, alas. But if Pacifico thinks it makes him cool with American readers, what can we do?

Dave and kids just arrived. Pacifico spent pages talking about Moresco's love of the word "shucked." just now dave talked about how he and Mick shucked oysters for the big dinner they had. And they Did! go see Phish!

Saturday, August 01, 2026

saturday evening

 5:58 pm  "snakes writhe on the rolled out carpet and in the fruit crate."   Last line of Quitt.  "They Are Dying Out."  Perfect portrait of Twump.  Published in 1973, performed in Zurich in 1974. 

Have now completed my Handke project, so far as I know.  Might re-read some at various times.  The most satisfying period of reading in my life?  Willing to say that, as pretentious as it might sound.  

Moresco's tome now sits on the table.  He was born in '47, some compare him to Pynchon and DeLillo.

Back cover says he "turns the stream-of-consciousness inside out and offers nothing interior.  Maybe I will hate it!  Before getting there, comfy 19th C stuff and older, in Motley Stones and Anton Reiser.  

Bela thrilled.  Her new fave writer, Maria Dueñas, has a tv series made in Morocco of her novel that Bela is now reading, La tiempo entre los costuras.  

Dave and the kids are at Mick's tonight, Cécile with Claire in NY for a few days.  NJ 

"so strong was the hand that cast me forth from the attic of that seminary"  omg, I'm in!  attic.  wasn't I dreaming last night about that fifth or sixth floor attic at Ammendale under which we sweltered in the summer heat in 1962 a few weeks after high school graduation.  Just looked at photos--four stories with super high ceilings like Rounds Hall to bright light and air into the building, faux Italianate style.  Since torn down.   Francesco Pacifico's introductory essay excellent.   

Friday, July 31, 2026

back to rice and fruit only

day off anxieties, if Rachel shows.  Or will it be an ice cream and pizza day to see the Last Chair and even sip a beer?  John Sitter having trouble with walking and standing once more, miracle drug not working. Gray day.  Bulldozers on the street endlessly leveling and leveling the dirt in prep we hope for the paving trucks.  Are they just filling out their time sheets for full payment?  Does the earth need that much compacting and leveling?  What are the engineers trying to do?  Trucks still bringing in good dirt.  

German kids called mica "cat silver."  Into first paragraph of Adalbert Stifter's Motley Stones.   

what today's day off yielded---after lunch at Dos Aguates in Ashland and middling ice cream in Holderness---

Dear Mike Zuppa

Really enjoyed seeing this amazing achievement today.  
  
 (Taught at PSU for many years---lived here since '72.)

The entrance feels so dangerous.   Coming from either direction, it just scares me.    yes, at 82 I am one of those
cautious drivers.  

Our 32 year-old helper, a woman from here, agreed when I mentioned it.  She worries about it as I do.  

I hope you can improve it.   Better signs, much wider roadway, drive way, DOT Slow signs, hidden entrance, etc

I visited St Bonaventure years ago to look at the Robert Lax archive there.  From Cumberland, Maryland.  School at Ammendale, grad of U Maryland, College Park.  
 
A wonderful business in a fantastic location.

All best wishes to you.  
-----

Last day of July.  that must be why I obsessed about doing the rice and fruit diet once more and worried about too much cheese giving my left middle side foot the calcium bump it gets --- is it every summer?  

maybe days off are just best for feeling how strange things are, no matter where you go or what you do.  skimming on through Handke's plays just feels like a logical continuation of all of that  And too the old familiar deja vu feeling; that whole letter to Mike Zuppa feels like a repeat of one I sent once before, at this same time of year too.  Eve of school anxiety dreams beginning tonight, or tomorrow night?

alarm set to wake at midnight to get entertainment seats on the Royal cruise!!!