Sunday 25 October

 email to Phil 

Phil   This is a mistake.  Keep your townhouse AND move into Sunrise as soon as possible.  You need to get help on

all of this now, sooner, rather than later, when it might be too late.  Keep the townhouse as security locker, storage unit.

Move only what you need to get into Sunrise, bed, dresser, a few chairs and a table.

Hire some helpers to go back and forth.  Hire people to be with you two days a week.  If you continue to dillydally

on these things it will be too late and you'll end up walking along a road some where no idea who you are or where.

Send me $500. each time I answer an email from you.  I am terrified we will have to deal with much more loss of Va's

memory and bodily functions and our money will run out.  We have a few hundred thousand between us and social s.

You have 5 million.  You can hire five people to help you for two years and the portfolio would not show a dent.

Give me your nephew's email address so we can keep him in this loop of getting you assistance.  

We talk with Virginia's cardiologist in two weeks to see what can be done about her aortic stenosis.  She walks almost

not at all now.  All wheelchairs.  She can stand to pivot and get dressed.  Toilet.  I worry all  the time that we will

need much more hired help in the near future.  I pay a couple $160. each time they clean house, every two weeks.

I pay a woman $160. once a week to take her swimming.  

Too much information.  But what can we do?  

love,  Bob 

my all oatmeal diet yesterday dropped the scale 3 pounds this morning!  woo hoo 

Phil did reply but has not sent me $500.00   

Have already set up a system with my nephew: daily phone calls and bi-weekly visits.  May move into Sunrise Senior Center and keep the house – at least for while.   So I’ve got that covered

 

I have no idea of how to buy and arrange the assistance that you mention. 

 

Am also shutting down all contributions to charities because I have no idea how much money I may need in the future. 

 

Hope you can work out some service for VA that you can afford.

 

Let’s keep in touch.

 

Phil

-----

well, my morning anger and request for money has sharpened Phil's memory and response.  Thank goodness I now know his nephew is taking care of him; a daily phone call and biweekly visits.  So I no longer need to worry about Phil.  

Hermann Berger, a write I can read a page or two a morning and that is enough.  Clever and brainy to a fault but not my companion even in love and death.  Oh, on X I learned that Bataille's beautiful wife married Lacan!!!  so little I know about everything, anything.  Sylvia was an actress, married Lacan in 1953.  So Berger is one of these brainy chess players, all mental, all thought involved, prestidigitation, card shuffling, con artistry, performance and play-acting, capes and cloaks and curtains and tuxedos with hundreds of secret pockets.  I remember going through a short phase of trying to learn to do magic tricks.  did I get a magic set for christmas or birthday?  yes.  was instantly disappointed in it, not interested in trying to work the tricks.  I liked seeing magic tricks somewhere (on tv?) but I didn't want to learn to do them to others.  Was that the same with the charlie mccarthy doll?  I loved seeing Bergman and Charlie talking with each other on the howdy doody show but I didn't have much success or interest really in getting my voice to throw over into the limp and lame dummy on my knee.  The big doll's head with red molded hair and moving fixed grin smile.  Animation as extension of my own body's action did not see magical at all.  The hunger for the companion and conversation, yes.  

Onward to another collection of essays by Andrzej Stasiuk,  Fado.  "Come sunset, you set out, let's say, due south. . . . you can try and come to terms with the perverse abundance of matter, the pornographic immodesty of history, which is lying on its back beyond every curve and over every hill; but ultimately it all turns out to be futile, because we remain alone with the space, which is the oldest of all things."  Fado `1   brilliant opening paragraph 

14 "the cosmic void, the abyss of memory." 

John got another clarifying response from Phil  

Phil,  have you looked at or into any senior living places with larger apartments?

E.g., like this one in Bethesda:   Maplewood Park Place 

If I move into a facility it’s because I think I will soon need some management for my declining memory.   So Sunrise meets that requirement.   I may check out Mapleweed but it’s in Bethesda and that usually means everything there is at least twice or three times as expensive as the same thing in Gaithersburg. Also  I no longer care about social life and activities.   These days I just want – or possibly need - to avoid dealing with all the ongoing daily crap – especially shopping for things and food -  in life……Phil

paragraph   successful trip to Royal Nails; Mason did the hands  no feet at this time until blister beginning clears   Sleepless in Seattle last night  Nora Ephron's finest perhaps  or

was that When Harry Met Sally ?   Cary Grant in An Affair to Remember tonight, thanks to Sleepless  

John later chimed in sounding much more reasonable and making suggestions to Phil.  I can't quite track his advice about the money but it makes me wonder if Rick is going to invoke some four percent guideline. 

"PhiI,

I hope you do look into Maplewood (not Mapleweed!).  They do have memory care, it appears, as well as 2- and even 3-bedroom units.  And I hope you won't let money dictate more than it should--keeping in mind that our retirement funds generally increase rather than shrink over the long haul, assuming one is not withdrawing more than 4% (some would say a bit more)   a year.. (And if we're not around for the long haul, it doesn't matter if the total is going down.)  As we get older, I can't see any reason not to withdraw even more than 4%, unless, as they say, our goal is to be the richest person in the graveyard. (I have to think more conservatively with Kate's longer life expectancy in mind, so no sports roadster this year..)

Bob,

  I'm sorry to hear about Virginia's stenosis, the attendant limitations, and your concerns.  Will the cardiologist visit involve discussing the viability of valve replacement?

  Please keep us posted.

    All best,

moving right along

a few entries a day from Burger's Tractatus Logico-Suicidalis On Killing Oneself should be enough.  No need to read it straight through in one or two days.  that would be readerly suicide of sorts!!  or a mockery of the tractatus?   

Berger's other books are here to pick up the slack.  Handsome editions of Diabelli and Brenner  Meanwhile, "standard" email from Phil, a decent reply to which, escapes me.  I don't want to be angry and inpatient with him again; that won't help.  What would help.  Don't know.  John's "I'm sorry you're facing these questions alone."  

"Boy, my memory is declining.  However, today, I decided I will not move into Sunrise Senor Living this month, and will have to notify them of that decision.   The move scares me because I have to vacate a three story house and move into two tiny rooms.  I have no idea how to handle all that.  How to disconnect stuff and connect stuff.  I also asked yesterday if there are any safes or lock boxes in the rooms to store important docs and statements.  Nope.  If I move in I’ve gotta figure out some way to store docs and statements.   Damn, maybe I should try to stay in this house despite the possible cost of getting care here. I hate all this.

 

How are your memories, my former classmates?   Are you still dealing with your worlds, or, like me, seem to be slowly losing control?......Phil"

here's a poignant poem from Basho, and, oh, I'm reading a great work about suicide by one who took his own philosophical findings to heart

"a mendicant of the interior" 34

"United Asininity of the United States of America"  

"Probably all the giants of transformation and illusion emerged from a milieu of lovelessness."  43  Line that applies perfectly to our two previous novels, Jamaican and British tales of trauma.  

now 3:58 pm  So far today I have eaten two large servings of oatmeal in water.  Well, the first in the morning had almond milk, as did the cup of ceremonial cacao.  At noon a larger bowl of oatmeal and water, with a teaspoon or so of vinegar and olive oil and two kalmata olives.  Nothing else.  Lunch probably finished around 1:30?  There is now a slight headache and I am tempted to have a small cup of cacao.  Yes, I think that is the right thing for this headache.  And or more water?  

Enjoying Diabelli.  Just the text for the next.  Papers from Schwab in today's mail.  Timed perfectly to the end of the financial quarter yesterday.  If I look online today, Saturday, will the funds appear?  Prestidigitation indeed.  Or will we wait until Monday for the numbers to show?  Tectonic shiftings in our financial world.  The morning cup was Embue; this afternoon's cup is Ora, Illuminating India, cacao from Udumbannoor Village.  A splash of almond milk for a breath of salt and sugar.   Oh yes, I cannot tell a lie, I also consumed two Om Relax mushroom gummies!  (reishi and ashwaganda extracts)  

"Udumbannoor is a scenic panchayat village in the Thodupuzha taluk of Kerala's Idukki district. Located about 16 km from Thodupuzha, it spans 31.15 sq km with a population of 23,709. Famed as Kerala's "honey hotspot" and its first bio-village, the local economy thrives on sustainable farming and beekeeping.

from Kenna's Kerala---perfect  

"The liar's school is the best preparation for our métier."  $50,667.99 

on X four hours ago "

@anthonykatsur

·

4h

The headlines suggest Paris is in turmoil. The reality I experienced today? Just another Saturday in Paris. After a full day exploring the city, there was little sign of unrest. A few boarded-up shops and small groups making their way toward the protest route, but that was about it. Perhaps the rain kept crowds away, but Paris seemed to be carrying on as usual. It’s a reminder that headlines don’t always capture the full picture of what’s happening on the ground. From where I stood today, Paris was simply being Paris

Basho trans R Blye

 It is deep autumn

My neighbor
How does he live, I wonder.

ok 6:23  finished fruit fly   looked up anacoats, trendy district in manchester uk and the gower coast, trendy coastline in Wales.  the writer kills off her main character, the guy who was the inspiration for this character will now stalk the writer and drive her crazy even though she has always been crazy; story begets story begets story.  final acknowledgment is a toast to the void  and before that to Dune, the line "Fear is the mind-killer."  Kolt hated this book which made me even more curious to read it.  He didn't say why.  Maybe it is as non-infp as possible.  Writing novels to sell as game and shell-roulet-blackjack-poker as possible?  Readers cage writers like abusive husbands cage their crazy-sensitive wives?  "thriller satire" 

"The thriller satire (or satirical thriller) genre does not have a single, designated "creator," as it evolved organically from the blend of suspense, crime fiction, and social or political satire over many decades"

"rather, "cliché" is increasingly used informally as an adjective (as in "that's so cliché"), alongside the traditional and formally preferred adjectival form "clichéd" (as in "a clichéd plot")"

so at least one commentator (earlier post) thinks Fruit Fly should be on the booker list.  

would I agree?  hmmm

here's one of those highest praise comments  "

queer_novels

This book will break you in the way the most perfect literature should and it’s totally deserving of its unanimous praise. It’s so satisfying reading a book where you can immediately tell the author has not compromised on ANYTHING they’ve set out to do. Mesmerising, unrelenting, bursting with pain and rage, all-encompassing, almost impossible human brilliance. A massive, noisy, chaotic polyphonic masterpiece. Unapologetic in form. It’s floored me. I may not recover. Truly essential reading. The only time I’d use the word ‘raw’ to describe a novel without wanting to gag."

well, this morning I am remembering more Josh Silver's book and realizing how he played off of Virginia Woolf and Mrs Dalloway.  Big hit classics from the book clubs.  James uses the Canadian play, Fortune and Men's Eyes, so both are books about/from other lit works.  

Silver uses from Dune "Fear is the mind-killer."  James might have cited that passage also.

And.  His work much more about fear and anger.  Silver's YA style, "lite" satirical "adult" is silly-profound in its way.  Easier to enjoy, shorter, to the point.  Full circle also---yes, the victimized gay guy will now stalk the successful author, who may be poised to finally write the fantasy novels she really wants to write.  Whereas at the end of Disappearers there is a full circle of sorts but it does not seem to have any further promise within it.  

James is 55; Silver is 37.  Generational difference major difference!!!  British vs Colony 

wsj piece on Marlon James

today on Insta from wsj magazine -- 

“I don’t know if this is a book I would have written without therapy,” our 2026 Literature Innovator, Marlon James says of his latest novel, “The Disappearers.” ⁠
⁠
The 55-year-old author is known for mining the most painful parts of his upbringing in Jamaica to create visceral, often violent, uncompromising fiction. But “The Disappearers” is the first time he’s unloaded the baggage of the creative process in a shrink’s office. ⁠
⁠
Set mainly in Kingston, Jamaica, between 1988 and 2005, the book follows eight men in the aftermath of a ruthless homophobic attack while secretly rehearsing a play. James’s characters—all closeted gay men and strangers to one another—contend with their trauma in silent, vengeful ways, some disappearing from the country altogether. (Homosexuality is not outlawed in Jamaica, but sexual acts between men are criminalized there.)⁠
⁠
“There’s no question that anger fueled a lot of what’s in the book,” he says.⁠
Having spent his childhood and most of his adult years in the closet, James found himself mourning the full life he could have lived “if I had a gay 30s instead of a Christian 30s,” he says. His therapy sessions raised questions like, “What does it mean to take your anger from childhood all the way into adulthood? Is that a kind of cancer?” ⁠
⁠

Read our full profile of Marlon James at the link in bio or on wsj.com.⁠

my skepticism was in overdrive in earlier posts ---  perhaps I apologize---would therapists say my skepticism was really homophobia  and other discontents related ?  

does copying this post from Emmet Stinson really go here next??  he's Aussie on X  lit prof 

@EmmettStinson

·

11h

I'd prefer publishers focused on literary qualty, not politics, because they are mostly bad at the latter, better at the former. A huge % of excellent writers historically are not on or of the left, and I don't know why we'd want or expect them to be.

this is not quite true for me these days

@roryisconfused

·

Oct 22

As a grown man I no longer have ‘nightmares’, where I’m scared by something, but rather ‘sadmares’, which cause me to wake up filled with an incredible and inexorable sense of melancholy and loss

in fact had a nice dream last night, Nicholas and I were trying to decide whether to go to a conference on and with John Lukacs and maybe someone else, was it Girard or Burke. Issue was whether they would be too old to be saying anything of value to the conference.

big excitement on X for a new site that will educate us all about Napoleon and his age---in tweets no longer than our attention spans can manage in under three minutes per scan

hmm be careful, a site honoring Napoleon must be a fascist, monarchist, far right thing, no?

upsetting talking with Dick last evening. He has his parents to worry about, and now, after six months, Afrodita is bothered by having them live in their house, but they are locked into that situation for now. Dick can drive them to Florida where they are better off but his free sister refuses to help with them. The other sister and her husband are in Mexico visiting with their son and his Mexican-indigenous wife who is legal in the US but fearful ICE will not recognize her as such. Meanwhile Afrodita is in Skopje where her father's behavior is even more of a problem. She paid $200. basheesh to get a state hospital doctor to take a look at him. Maybe get him into the insane asylum hospital there. He wanders, waits for Jesus to show up with money, watches for it on tv and computer, walks around town on his own, steps in front of traffic, lost and demented or some variant. Aging, wow, what a drama.

All the chickens are now in the back yard. Ladder up on Dennis's house. Bela working on her fan letter to Suja Massey. X tweets talk about a big protest weekend in Paris coming up. Assume the kids are safe and being safe there in the 15th. Think so. How the separation is going is yet another area we will not ask about, for now.

Last third of Fruit Fly. Fascinating and irritating in its way. Or am I not slowing down to really enjoy it

went looking for more advice---this from Jon Malysiak -- "Did I admire

All Them Dogs as much as Douglas Stuart’s fellow Booker-longlistedJohn of John ? No. Nor did I find it as gripping or psychologically nuanced as Josh Silver’s Fruit Fly , another gritty urban crime drama with a gay central protagonist. That White’s novel made the longlist while Silver’s did not strikes me as genuinely puzzling. Booker recognition is hardly an exact science, but of the two, my vote would have gone to Fruit Fly. 
ai calls it satirical thriller  ----  new tag for me  

mirror books

 22 October Friday  morning   on page 104 and up to chapter 21 in Fruit Fly.  I know it is ridiculous to think of this novel as a mirror to The Disappearers, but look, gay guys and trauma.  Trauma is the big word these days, Hannah and Dennis two summers ago, here on Rogers Street, apprised me of that in their indirect ways.  Fruit Fly is totally different of course in so many ways, and yet you have the novel within the novel, the multiplicity of voices, the lies and deceptions, somehow to british literary agents had back emails with one another, hey I've got this Jamaican writer, omg I've got this british street gay who wants to write his story.  

Are all novels, is the novel as lit form, always somehow about trauma, or all of lit and art.  Iliad, Odyssey, Mahalbarata, bible, what else is new.  Sin and death now reshuffled under trauma and therapy, trauma and addiction.  

So far Fruit Fly is harder to read, easier to read.  Snappy, trendy voices.  Short paragraphs.  Too peppy to have the smooth narrative meditative meander of Stasiuk and Handke.  "go gay go sad go dark"  motto for disappearers as well  ok I'm stretching too much 

Bela trying to dictate a fan letter to Suja Massey     Colin on his way to do a piano session 

almost 5  finished chapter 35  it is intense and frantic, strange and funny, satirical, yes, and other things---

as different from marlon james as possible and yet he would get it ----  

reset the beneficiaries on the schwab sites  also got an email from Rick saying he had done the same

talking about money makes you feel like you have more of it---or are more comfortable having for the moment enough of it.  illusory or not.   Article about air quality and dementia in wapo but not able to open it, gift from geo   yes it is on apple news  and yes it is not as striking as promised  ---  but it helps my 

sense of the air in Abq vs here and how much I love being there vs being here---in terms of overall sense of body and health, mood and mind    nasal passages and breathing  

in the book we are now at the point where two mothers appear in the stories  --