text composed to send to Nancy's celebration upcoming Jan 25
my predisposition to fear and panic Handke few pages in Marcus's intro to Short Letter, Long Farewell.Wandering forager day off. Gray but warmer. Heavy gray. Fosse and Handke, back and forth and around. Fish for lunch at cousin resto of Yamas. their laughter pushes against my mouth we'll sit still wimbush does he mention Quakerism? surely but didn't notice now starting short letter "I seem to have been born for horror and fear." Handke's mother he says, the character says, suffered bouts of melancholy. Fosse's book entitled Melancholy. Now I see how powerful he is. During the night last night (day later than above) I recalled shooting and making a basket for the wrong team and being last to be chosen in the pick-up softball or baseball games. The black and white curtains and fabrics and shades of anxiety, panic, shame. The silence of the gymn crowd when the ball went through the hoop. The never said anything about the shame or the laughter, no break in silence or social façades. Silent sniggling, why don't you play outfield the side no hits ever come to if the ball comes at you catch it and throw if you get the ball dribble it and move toward the basket and shoot. You made it. It went through, not even a bounce. The wrong end of the court, the enemy's basket, not three or is it two or one point for us but for Them. Shit. What were you thinking, how why did you do that you fat dumb useless jerk. Now I see what Fosse is doing, so far anyway. Like Murnane but then not. More like Handke. Handke's book so far also superb. Short Letter, his travel to the States. Anxiety in how he notices and what. Nice reassuring post from troy james weaver about Antunes, Midnight is Not in Everyone's Reach. Just incredibly beautiful prose. And style off the charts." thanks for that Troy. Repost. Didn't know that Agamben espouses "inoperativity" passivity as antidote to West's power psychosis. More books arrived. Well stocked for now on Handke and Fosse. Even a second copy, oh dear, of Short Letter. Bought a tiny pumpkin pie impulse buy with two cans of sparkling energy for tomorrow to replace coffee! Yikes, what a thought. Had one on Tuesday and liked the steady energy all day long even though I kept me awake during the night. Bit like that coffee that takes out the caffeine and adds the paraxathyne. The new techies are trying to add context to caffeine to smooth out the energy flows, soften down the spikes. Now watching Piste Noir. French tv production companies have gotten better. Shorter episodes, punchier scripts, beautiful younger people. Searching now for dark brown Nike hoodie to finish Bela's new brown outfit. Gave $300 to Mid-State Health, first time. No more donations to the NH Music Festival. We came back in July and Bela didn't miss it or even wonder about it. Donated to Winnepesaukee Theater too. British podcast on veganism, debate about full counts and all about amino acids---patterns are not missing, craze for high protein these days. Mainstream narrative says plants are inferior, proof that they are not. Christopher Gardner. Stanford nutritionist. Vegans are being conned by protein bar, protein powder marketing, hyper marketing. Long phone call with Anne earlier this evening. Mark and Bridgit moved to LA a few weeks ago. Movie making has slowed in NO. Paul out of work, Greg looking for work. Basile cooking for tomorrow, turkey but he also bought a ham. Ham somehow big these days. Basile and Anne now doing Red Light therapy. His eye doctor got them interested in it.
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