Saturday, July 18, 2026

it is always

 in people's ordinary everyday infinitely recurring actions that this law most surely forms the fulcrum, for these actions are the lasting the underlying ones, like the millions of fibrils of the tree of life."  Schifter Motley 7  

got the blood drawn, enjoyed the concert last night, paid the apple card, put in some laundry, read two pages in each book, now almost noon.  Gorgeous weather again, not too hot.  Weekend for waiting for the family to arrive on Monday evening.  

"Why not face everything head-on, and even, as was mentioned, look forward to it   5 in Last Guest

18 July  successful full shower for Bela this morning    now looking for an upstairs transport chair

Guest  17  "That's how it was, more or less, almost."  "found a rhythm"  "a rhythm that, instead of footprints left behind, suggested a trail leading onward."    Thus we have moved on from "fail better" to "onward."   the epic search 

great visit with Pattie and Kirsten, who later on was off to her 35th h s reunion, at The Last Chair, she's now 52.   Served them ceremonial cacao.  

message to Phil about his meeting with John and Bill Stakem on Aug 3 in Cumberland

Greetings to Bill.  
We were in kindergarten together at Mrs Waddell's.  On a day I was
privileged to have been seated in the red chair she read us a story and I wanted to hear how it
ended only to feel a hot stream running down my leg, staining an embarassing puddle into the
rush mat on the floor.  Much later I read a helpful passage in Coleridge's Biographia Literaria
explaining the importance of this event!!!


Friday, July 17, 2026

that wonky left leg worse today

Bela's walking has not gotten better today.  Been a wheelchair day.  Do I want to read these plays?  Not that enjoyable as novels and that has always been my point about that.  Maybe read two pages a day as a reading as doom scrolling.  The next play has more of a line to it.  They Are Dying Out.  

"The drama abandons traditional linear storytelling in favor of lyrical monologues and allegorical scenes. Quitt’s sudden realization of his life's hollowness sets off a series of events where he attempts to dismantle his former ruthless empire. 

The original German title, Über die Dörfer (meaning "Across the Villages"), emphasizes a transition from urban industrialism to simpler, rural settings. It reflects a shift from corporate ruin to a space where humans can seek authentic connection and existential meaning
published in 1981, is an epic, poetic drama that critiques corporate greed and modern alienation. The narrative follows Hermann Quitt, a ruthless business mogul who begins to recognize the spiritual emptiness of capitalism, embarking on a philosophical quest for emotional rebirth, community, and personal redemption"
could be more readable, sure sounds prescient and appropo our days in 'ol USA today these days 
could alternate with Stifter . . . .
but wait. . . . The Ballad of the Last Guest is right here, in hardback even.  2023 in Berlin 
Bela is reading Ghost-Eye and liking it a lot   Tonight we go to the concert, missed it altogether last summer 

Thursday, July 16, 2026

the actors are and

"the actors are and play themselves at one and the same time."  opening instructions in The Ride Across Lake Constance.  Today is Thursday July 16.  Family flies here in four days.  World Cup in three days.  Concert tonight on the agenda.  Softer temperatures, lovely air and sun this morning.  

ask the bot for help  "Ultimately, the play serves as a philosophical laboratory. It challenges audiences to question the reality of their own identities and realize that social reality is just as constructed as a play on a stage." ""The Ride Across Lake Constance" is a groundbreaking play by Peter Handke that challenges traditional theatrical conventions through its unconventional use of characters and dialogue. In this surrealist work, actors perform under their real names rather than fictional ones, prompting audiences to reflect on the nature of performance and identity. The play opens with a woman in blackface using a vacuum cleaner, creating a disorienting atmosphere that sets the tone for the exploration of communication barriers among the characters. 

Through a series of absurd dialogues and misinterpretations, the characters engage in a playful yet poignant examination of language and human interaction. Moments of humor punctuate the dialogues, but they also reveal deeper anxieties about understanding and connection. The presence of a doll-child towards the end symbolizes the underlying frustrations tied to human expression and communication. Handke’s meticulous attention to both verbal and physical actions invites audiences to reconsider their relationship with language and its inherent complexities. Overall, "The Ride Across Lake Constance" is a visually and verbally stimulating work that serves as a vivid metaphor for the intricacies of language and the human condition.

  • Authored By: Lee, Josephine 1 of 2

Wednesday, July 15, 2026

recharge day 15 July

 9:42 am  

Bela upstairs on her old laptop, rested in this morning.  New kindle downstairs on charge.  Big screen on charge.  Everyone recharging today.  Swim yesterday.  Car dealership yesterday but I showed up day after the appointment.  Looked sheepishly geezerish and apologized profusely.  Rescheduled for next week. Rachel our wonder woman got the fountain all cleaned up and working, put a bit of white vinegar into the brew to keep it bug clear and clean.  What a true blessing she is.  Bela's left leg being wonky last evening and this morning.  Should we burn incense for Manasa Devi?  Not really a snake landscape here.  Where on the planet is there a god or goddess or even a minor archetype from granite.  Ok AI do your stuff, you dummy.  So, all the usuals we know about for each continent: Shiva, Pluto (plutonic rock, duh), The Ourea in Greece.  In North America Judicula rock in NC. After big bm Bela now dressed and downstairs in the big green chair.  Legs working on short connecting walks.  Hooray.  Green chair reading and recharging.  Now I will do same and hope headache passes on its own in the cooling ac.  Breeze outside, air less heavy, seems yesterday it had smoke from somewhere mixed into the humidity.  Canceled Colin and piano for this morning.  Nothing else today.  Rest and recharge.  Car even still plugged in.  

Starting into Handke's Quodlibet.  

from Bernard T Joy  "Live the unknown life."  Epicurus 

59 "Or the actors use double-edged words in sentences with invariably harmless connotations . . .

B T Joy:  There is no such thing as straight:  a straight man and a straight woman are two different sexualities. There is no such thing as gay: gay tops and gay bottoms are two different sexualities.  

Quodlibet clearly defies translation . . . but they tried anyway   ok so I did skim after getting the idea and

can see how brilliant it is and what it would be like as a stage piece.  How perfect it could be for Chatter in Abq itself, or two minutes of it !!  no, fifteen.  I think the poets there are given fifteen minutes.  

now ready to start into The Ride Across Lake Constance.  Remember one earlier book was titled Across as well.  Are they close in the chronology?  no this play is early, 1973.  Across about ten years later, 1985.  

on second thought:  Joy's distinctions have all the sudden appeal of a tweeted insight, but reflexion reminds us, alas, it is either/or thinking, isn't it?  It says something true in its way, yes, but it does so with that split lego block that leaves out completely the possibility of "and."  Whenever either/or completes with and, and must always win!!!  now there is a typo that suggests lots--completes in place of "competes." And "wins" is mistaken:  comprehends, embraces, elevates, expands.  

we watched a World Cup match this afternoon.  Argentina won 2-1 over England.  Next Spain and Argentina on Sunday  

two videos of The Ride Across Lake Constance on YouTube.  Both of the same production.  Looks like it is a version, probably compressed or otherwise tweaked.  Reading it might reveal.  

Weather has changed beautifully.  No more heat and humidity and no more smoke from Canadian fires.   


Tuesday, July 14, 2026

looking for different things

 I looked again at Nicholas's review of Ghost-Eye and of course he gives it a generous and sympathetic review, none of my snooty literary concerns or such.  Never warped by English major studies.  Instead he likes the large views Ghosh is taking and weaving together.  Tempted now to paste in John S's talk about Ghosh.  Why not ---  have to find his message too where I learned that his family on his dad's side emigrated to Cumberland from Bavaria, never knew that.  So his dad was first generation here, I think.  

Impressed, too, Bob.  Especially interested in Ghosh. I'm very high on The Hungry Tide, which I taught a few times, and liked the sequel, Gun Island. Eager to hear what you think of this new one.. NYT reviewer complained it tries to do too much. That could just mean it's experimental in ways the reviewer doesn't like.

Apart from reading around in poetry to find what I might want to teach in my onerous once-a-month senior citizen gig, my long book of the moment is Michael Pollan's book on consciousness, A World Appears. Actually, listening to it. He's a good reader as well as writer.

Next Wed. is a big day for us: I do my poetry-and-memory thing in the afternoon (poems attached) and--bigger deal--Kate gives a poetry reading at a local bookstore.  Off on our voyage to Pittsburgh after that, and looking forward to seeing you, Phil, & a few others on the way home, on Aug. 3.
Bob, why don't you helicopter in, too?

         Happy trails,

                John

Sunday, July 12, 2026

well here he is after all

189 Carl Jung preferred to use the term synchronicity, and they ten to occur in clusters 

Sunday 12 July 

190  Swatch of No Ground  :  Handke's No-Man's Land  obsession  --- in Handke Geology carries depth psychology, inner explorations, in Ghosh Meteorology carries depth psychology, exploration into interconnections like precognition and past lives remembered    in both the areas of the earth "forgotten" about, no-man's areas are where things happen--- places where ordinary life structures are not featured,

places where all is smudged, blurred, multivalent, contingency, open, undefined, 

203  five minutes after above  "encircled by a smudged green line in the distance." 

Jhorna----her native knowledge of fish ---  to geology and meteorology we have of course ichthyology 

221  goddess not geology controls the land and pond structures   Manasa Devi bit Isha/Varsha to save her

so Dinu finds he also has been reincarnated from an earlier life and Vishna and he knew one another some how 

cringe-worthy writing at various times throughout the book.  skipped some of the later cooking passages, sped ahead a bit to get to the reveal.  Tiru or Tipuru--Tipu's talk especially irritating.  Can't help but wonder if Ghosh's proposal was fleshed out by a team of ghostwriters for the publisher, smells of committee work.  Here's where we will say soon, gee, AI could have done this so much better. 

oh well.  Can easily see why Nicholas reviewed it on his blog.  A fresh experience in novels to have the main character discover not just his true nature psychologically or in terms of sexuality or gender or ethnic identity but as a new reincarnation of earlier spiritual or cosmic life.  The eco and planet ccrisis material seemed really weak, with the "irruption" of ancient, local divine beings and public outcry a sort of fairy tale with which to fight the billionaires in their bunkers counter fantasy-fear. 

A hodge-podge brew.  Perfect for some books clubs.  etc  oh well  grist for readers of the paranormal 



Manasa Devi

goddess of snakes  156 in Ghost-Eye.  4:02 pm  Earlier today in scrolling on Insta I saw weird sculpture of Hercules fighting massive snakes, created by an earlier Danish artist--can I now find that if I search?  after I added Danish it showed up among host of images on google---

Created by the accomplished Danish sculptor Rudolph Tegner, with first edition started in 1919, in plaster.

Over a decade later the artist proposed that it be recrafted in bronze. Duly done, in 1932 it was unveiled not far from the train station. Due to improvement works around the ferries, it was relocated to the water’s edge in 1994.

Like many works of art, it wasn’t universally liked when unveiled. A lovely aside is that apparently it has received the sobriquet of The Little Person Fighting Tax Administration.

this by Permia on Trip Advisor

"I was cautious and risk-averse, while she was given to tempting fate--and it was perhaps for these reasons that I was just as intriguing to her as she was to me." 157  Dinu talking about his romance with Durga.  Would fit me and Bela, if instead of political rhetoric it would be dramatic flare.  And incautious travel (most dangerous road in the world in Bolivia in 1998, the road between La Paz and .  . . the name will not come up now.  Maybe later.  

the figures in the Manasa Devi stories are archetypes "who have lives of their own.  They are presences that literally arise out of the land and inscribe their stories upon the world."  Bingo--what Handke is about, has searched for all his life and works.  In his way.  Avoiding the pre-formed variants in the air at the time.  Language about archetypes from F & Jung et al.  

'No, no, Dinu!' she protested.  'Trust me: it's not we who choose the myths that guide our lives; it's they who choose us.  But once you've been chosen, beware, because they'll always be with you.'  161 Shoma to Dinu

came sooner  4:38  the road to Coroico  




Friday, July 10, 2026

His peculiar gift:

a magnetic needle blindly recording invisible storms.   Isabel Fargo Cole

Gurnah:  winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature!  so we guess Ghosh is soon . . . 

Friday the 10th

better part of the afternoon reading Amitav Ghosh's Ghost-Eye.  Missing Handke and Stifter, but this is something amazing.  Dozing too.  Intense headache in the morning.  Colin and Bela played the piano.  Now up to page 111 where Shoma and Husna are in the fish market preparing to fix fish to serve to Varsha. Laced into this story thread have been a number of other stories, cannot keep the family and frienship relationships clear, don't suppose you are supposed to, at least not in the Western realistic fiction way.  

Reserved wheelchair for trip.  Transport chair carry bag delivered today.  

Narrator living in Brooklyn is Dinu.  

Thursday, July 09, 2026

prophecy

Handke's short early play as secular liturgical litany with non-surprise ending:  Every day will be like every other day.  Next in the volume Call for Help.  Finished Shapland's A Room Above a Shop.  Moments but.  

Call for Help gem of early Handke:  No.  Perfect for Burke's theory of the negative.  

Years and years of study of Jung, MBTI and Enneagram prepared him to embrace the explanation of Otroversion as the explanation of explanations, subsuming all others, clarifying more than any other, providing the lifelong arc of insight that had taken him through all eighty-two years.  No. 

oh my goodness.  4:16 pm delightful, restful visit to the dentist earlier, big lunch now, reading about the troubled life and strange writings of Adalbert Stifter, Amitav Ghosh mentioned in the Introduction and the newest novel by Ghosh just delivered to the doorstep.  Nicholas writes about the novel on his blog, that's why I ordered it.  Even though it is hardback.  The other hardback that arrived as well is the very most recent work by Peter Handke,  The Ballad of the Last Guest.  Who is Ghosh and will he be the writer to succeed Handke once I've finished Stifter, and? Reiser?  Isabel Fargo Cole posits Ghosh's essay The Great Derangement against Stifter and she brings in Ursula LeGuin saying the novel is a medicine bag or bundle, "holding things in a particular, powerful relation to one another and to us." Now who is Amitav Ghosh.  I've seen his name.  Ok, his birthday is in two days! born 11 July 1956)[1] is an American[2] writer. wiki and his stature is enormous.  No wonder I need to know about him as soon as possible.  And he passes Handke's test because his interests are not simply historical but geographical, concerning landscape: "It was not intentional, but sometimes things are intentional without being intentional. Though it was never part of a planned venture and did not begin as a conscious project, I realise in hindsight that this is really what always interested me most: the Bay of Bengal, the Arabian Sea, the Indian Ocean, and the connections and the cross-connections between these regions.[19] 

By reading Ghost-Eye I will be on the edge of tomorrow as well as of today. Looking at the table right now I seem to be back into reading five or six books at a time rather than one book at a time.  

Sunday, July 05, 2026

lightbound

 part 2 of My Day in the Other Land

152  Lightbound all around and in the interstices of my soul.  

eyes  "selflessly empathetic, friendly   My heart stood still, and resumed beating a moment later, stronger than ever."   the Good Observer   a form of looking and listening   yawning as only newborns yawn

155  "No one had ever called me his friend that way. "  "and eventually he became my sweetheart" -sister

157 "yonder shore (you read that right, 'yonder')"  "flickering and fluttering on the keyboard of the waves"

5:16 pm finished My Day in the Other Land: A Tale of Demons    was he imagining his own death?  what death might be like if he had been the teller of it as a tale, a gathering of tales?  gentle and lovely story at the lake of being called away from being possessed by demons by a friend, The Observer

reviewers didn't know what to say ----

from Library Journal  

FICTION

The Second Sword: Two Novellas

Farrar. Feb. 2024. 192p. tr. from German by Krishna Winston. ISBN 9780374601447. $27. F
COPY ISBN
Nobel Prize winner Handke (The Fruit Thief) offers two novellas here. In the first, the narrator arrives home after several weeks of travel but leaves shortly after to avenge an insult made to his mother years earlier. What follows is a meandering and idiosyncratic daylong journey through the outskirts of Paris. The narrator encounters neighbors, shares bottles of wine with strangers, and engages children in staring matches, all the while becoming more and more intent on vengeance. In the second novella the narrator, a fruit farmer, has a psychotic breakdown, abandons his farm, and lives in a tent in a cemetery outside of town. His sister keeps an eye on him, and the townspeople view him with equanimity. When he recovers, he travels to a war-torn land across the lake. Mythological and religious imagery abound. Both stories are presented as interior monologues and have a hallucinogenic quality. The unpleasant personalities of the narrators may require persistence on the part of readers. Handke describes grim times but still manages to end on an encouraging note. 
VERDICT The most recent work by a writer who’s celebrated, influential, and controversial in Europe.

Sat the 4th

 Handke uses a great ancient line as epigraph for My Day in the Other Land:  "

"I, the idiot [Gk for private person], setting sail on my own course for the common good.

        ---Pindar, Olympian, XIII, line 49 

life by a thousand epiphanies 

My Day in the Other Land 

143  public space as a sort of fountain of youth 

transformation by a thousand gentle moments / gentle acts / reassurances

145  my oracular pronouncements    the idiot with the gentle gaze  community-enhancing demonic jolts 




Thursday, July 02, 2026

to trail a stranger

 I love the fact that Handke has said more than once how he enjoys trailing a stranger.  Here he describes it in The Second Sword, 84.  "Over the years it had become a kind of sport for me to trail a stranger, out of more than mere curiosity, on a hunch, and also--the decisive factor?--a sense of duty, from Métro line to Métro line, on metropolitan buses to the outskirts and then on the regional bus, and each of those sorties had afforded me richly satisfying hours or half-days, free of interactions or confrontations, and had stayed with me as a source of stories, always ready to be explored anew, far more than a mere pastime."  

Tuesday, June 30, 2026

the family

Finished Wallace's Broom.  Kaminski:  you don't suppose he would choose the books as the family story, do you?  Mother: Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own; Father: Sartre's Nausea; Child: Wallace's Broom.   Well, who knows?  Should I read Sartre at last?  Have never read anything by him.  Do I want to browse into Nausea or do I know enough "about" it already?  

starting again into Handke's The Second Sword   avenging  rhythm  place-pleasure 

28 My desire, if I have one at all:  to become aware of something by chance, yet, as described above, incorporate it fully into my imagination, once and for all, and then, under the spell of its image, drift off into a waking dream, awake to a degree unmatched by any other kind of wakefulness. 

glow, glimmer, gleam, even gray! differently  

29 "Could it be Eternal Recurrence?"  --- "No! What I saw, as a term and a thing, was the continuation." --"Eternal?" --- "No, just the continuation.  Onward to the continuation."

30  And I was filled with nameless delight in my current inactivity, and in the prospect of remaining inactive and letting things take their course, and on and on, et cetera and so forth.  

30 June  evening

great visit with Kim today, up from Newburyport and siblings, Olen in CO overseeing the kitchen renov.

How much I am enjoying every line of Handke---

47 And finally I, who usually couldn't bring myself to eat so much as a bite from early in the day until late morning or even early afternoon, actually felt hungry, and under the linden out in the yard consumed an apple, with intense enjoyment, an Ontario, as well as a piece of toasted pain festif from the local bakery, with each smack of my lips (that was how tasty this breakfast was) throwing my head back to gaze into the sky, as if I were enjoying the food of the gods.  I ate the apple as you sometimes eat pears, core and all.  


Sunday, June 28, 2026

the whole line

 333 We are helpless and inefficacious parts of a system until we recognize the existence of the system.


Infinite Jest demands emotional connection and empathy as a cure.  Does Kaminski do this enough?  

Yes, psychiatrist Dr. Rami Kaminski highlights empathy as a defining trait of "otroverts", a personality type he introduced in his book The Gift of Not Belonging: How Outsiders Thrive in a World of Joiners. Rather than lacking social skills, otroverts have an uncanny ability to connect and empathize deeply on a one-on-one basis, although they struggle to belong to social groups.

28 June  4:43 pm Sunday late afternoon

pp 362-378  I just read but can comprehend almost nothing even though the words made sense phrase by phrase and mentioned many things I've read before about but the gist and thrust of these pages and who is telling them evade me.  

I will soldier on.  If I read the book before, I must have stopped reading it about page 350 +/- and tried to find a cliff notes somewhere or speed read the ending or just have given up with it.  Tempted to do that now and go back to Handke.  He's in his early 80s now and writing clearly in folk tale modes.  Would some sugar and chocolate give my brain the clarity it needs? 

449 "Surely you're in a position to see that this eating business masks membranous turmoils far too . . . tumultuous to go into here."    Dr Jay says this 

hmmmm   plain as day, and night

Saturday, June 27, 2026

yes have read it before

 but did not understand how it demonstrates Wittgenstein, nor how it dramatizes Ortovertism, and much else.  Now on page 297 and ready to end it.  However.  Maybe take a day break from it and read more Handke or some of Dunderhead.  

Kim coming to see us mid-week this coming week.  Ordered a new kindle for Bela.  Need to find another Isabel Allende author.  

the talking bird, does it foresee AI even??  

330-331  These membranes withstand the onslaught of the countless Other-set, ceaselessly battering the Others, their heads coated with filth, their underarms clotted with fungus, they batter and the secure membrane/ovum waits patiently, strong, aloof, secure and, yes, occasionally with let an Other in, will suck it in, on the membrane's terms, will suck it in like a sperm, will take it inside itself to renew, to create itself anew. 

well at least AI assure's me I got the Key Passage, right here, right before your eyes!  Something I had no clue about thirty or forty years ago when I did read the book ---

is the membrane passage on pp. 330-331 the key to the whole meaning of DFW's Broom of the System? https://share.google/aimode/rpe4k3WnAnryzzKe2 

[12]
While the novel's title points directly to Ludwig Wittgenstein’s philosophy of language (meaning is determined by its use, like a broom), Dr. Jay's hysterical psychological lecture on the "strong, clean membrane"provides the psychological and existential framework for every major character's conflict. [123]
The passage unlocks the core themes of David Foster Wallace's debut novel in several crucial ways:
1. The Conflict of Self vs. Other
On pages 330–331, Dr. Jay tells Lenore Beadsman that a healthy identity requires a membrane that acts like a "strong, clean ovum". He asserts that a proper membrane "chooses what to suck inside itself and lets all the rest bounce dirtily off" to withstand the "onslaught of the countless Other-set".
This is the central anxiety of the novel: Where does the individual end and the outside world begin? [123]
2. Lenore vs. Rick (Opposite Membrane Failures)
The entire narrative is driven by two characters with fundamentally broken, diametrically opposed membranes: [12]
  • Lenore's Broken Membrane (Total Permeability): Lenore is terrified that she has no internal self. She believes her thoughts, feelings, and life script are entirely dictated by the "Outside"—specifically by her great-grandmother's Wittgensteinian control and her family's corporate legacy. Her membrane lets everything in, leaving her feeling like a character in someone else's story. [1234]
  • Rick's Broken Membrane (Total Isolation): Rick Vigorous suffers from the exact opposite pathology. He cannot let the outside world penetrate his membrane. He is completely trapped in his own neuroses and uses fictional stories (like his Monroe Fieldbinder drafts) to control reality rather than experiencing it. As Dr. Jay notes elsewhere, Rick is like a sperm without a tail—unable to break through and achieve real union. [123]
3. The Trap of Solipsism
Wallace uses the membrane metaphor to dramatize the "double bind" of postmodern life. If your membrane is too thick, you fall into solipsism (the lonely belief that only your mind exists). If your membrane is too thin or non-existent, you lose your agency entirely and get swallowed up by the systems around you. [1234]
4. Wallace's Satire of the Solution
Importantly, the passage is also a comedic trap. Dr. Jay is eventually revealed to be a deeply unhinged neurotic who is obsessed with literal, physical hygiene and scrubbing himself with antiseptics. By having a fraudulent, absurd therapist deliver the "key" theory of the book, Wallace is satirizing the very idea that human connection and existential loneliness can be easily solved by a clean, clinical formula. The tragedy of the book is that a perfectly "impenetrable" membrane keeps you safe, but it also leaves you entirely alone. [12]
If you are writing an essay or unpacking this for a reading group, let me know:
  • If you want to connect the membrane passage to the ending of the novel
  • How this connects to Wittgenstein's ideas about the limits of language
  • If you want to analyze how Gramma Beadsman influenced Lenore's broken membrane
  • Our desires and reflections about the world are deeply entangled with the world and the things we do and experience in the world – even the most mundane things like listening to the radio or watching sports.   And so, we catch a glimpse of a vision of forming and re-forming culture from within.   The tragedy of Wallace’s life, however, is that despite his engagements with the culture around him – from the broader sorts of cultural engagement, like watching television or listening to the radio, to the more personal engagements like teaching students and dancing with the members of a local church – Wallace lived a fairly isolated life and one gets the sense that he saw humanity forging and being forged by culture primarily as individuals, as opposed to communities doing so in specific places.  One wonders, therefore, to what extent this philosophical – and to a lesser extent, lived – isolation contributed to the eventual taking of his own life.  His life was not that of Camus’s stranger Meursault, detached and floating through a life without meaning, but rather one of being deeply submerged in a life that was rich with meaning, but finding in that meaning a pain too much for one person to bear.

    Wallace’s philosophical explorations in Broom, which were enjoyable to me, can become a bit heavy-handed as the book wears on.   Broom does seem to fit its place as Wallace’s first novel, and as I understand it, is much rougher in comparison with his masterpiece Infinite Jest, but yet is a careful and probing piece of literature that still stands head and shoulders above most contemporary fiction.  Wallace (in Although of Course…) says that he is not proud of Broom, noting that it was “written very quickly, rewritten sloppily” and that he avoided “doing the hard work” that was suggested to him in the editorial process.  I do intend to read Infinite Jest in the near future (though I may first tackle Wallace’s soon-to-be-released essay on freewill, Fate, Time and Language), and hopefully my appreciation of it will be even deeper given the background of having worked through the text of Broom.

    Wallace’s life and writings represent one of the keenest minds of our times, and there is much that we can learn from his valiant struggles to make sense the world.  However, it is a great tragedy that the powers of individualism and displacement in our world formed him in a way that essentially left him to fight these battles alone, a fight for which even our best and brightest are, in the end, not fit.  by C Christopher Smith  in The Englewood Review of Books 

strategic misrepresentation

 is what they call lying at Amherst, which they do a lot "A really important part of being here is learning how to lie." 238  Wallace was there for five academic years.  Arrived 1980, medical leaves of abscence

Friday   Coffee with Dennis next door.  4.0 at the Columbia msw program and now taking a leave.  

Uncle got him into adult children of alcoholics meetings.  Very helpful.  Uncle was craft carpenter in Santa Fe for 25 years.  Now in retirement successful nature painter in Camden, ME.  Duck stamp his work for usps four years running.  Gary Winders, Belfast, ME.  Dennis just did a stairwell for someone, carpentry.  Asked him to do our bannister.  He's looking around, no longer urnning the food pantry town garden center.  Arlo now 6.  He made me an aeropress decaf, beautiful stoneware mug made in Amsterdam by one of their friends.  

ordered from cacao sol but just learned it is miami based!  last order.  Embue in Brattleboro and Ora in San Diego.  Ok.  

241 "The Antichrist was letting her touch the leg."  I think maybe I did read this book before, aeons ago.  

250  stolen from Larkin  "Just as he was fucked with in his turn, by fools in old-style hats and coats."

245 Geach and Anscombe translation   Elizabeth Anscombe  We saw her smoking a cigar, her raggedy children with her, in that coffee house on 57th Street in Chicago in 1971 or 72.  

the brother named John, the anorexic, shows up on 281

"He's like a stranger who drops in from Auschwitz every Christmas."  wants to write a book "arguing that Christianity is the universe's way of punishing itself, that what Christianity is, really, is the offer of an irresistible reward in exchange for an unperformable service." 

285  "Two inside outsiders 

286 "I cannot be truly inside you, close enough only for the risk of pregnancy, not true fulfillment."

287 "But then if you get to where you, you know, love a person, everything sort of reverses. . . . it's that you love the things about the person because you love the person.  It kind of radiates out, instead of in."

"I feel all public saying this stuff." 

288  What does fitting in have to do with anything?